Do you ever get stuck in a thought loop?
You’re minding your own business when all of sudden a simple thought enters your mind and puts you on a hamster wheel.
“I wonder if I’m doing enough to get a job?”
Then one thought leads to another…
“What if I never get a job? Am I unemployable? What I get a job and it makes me miserable? I don’t want to be miserable. This career path looks interesting, but they don’t make any money. Why am I worried? Worrying isn’t helping me, but why can’t I stop worrying. I am so stupid. I wonder if I am doing enough to get a job?”
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get the thoughts to go away.
I’d try, but I couldn’t figure out how to break free of this unwanted thought loop in my mind. I’d worry and then worry about being worried. It was not healthy for me, but I didn’t know what to do.
I stumbled upon the idea that worrying is a waste of your time. The roots of this idea come from Stoicism and it gave me my first glimpse of hope that I could break free from unwanted thoughts.
Have you ever had an experience like this? A thought pops into your head, but you just can’t get rid of it? If so, you’re not alone. It happens to everyone and the good news is there are things you can do to stop unwanted thoughts from taking over your life.
Why We Get Stuck in Thought Loops
Thoughts pop into our heads all the time without us trying. Some thoughts quickly pass, while others send us into a persistent thought loop or spiral. These are intrusive thoughts. They get stuck in our minds and send it running in circles. This often leads to feelings of stress or frustration.
So why do we get stuck in an infinite loop, dwelling on intrusive thoughts? Here are some potential causes:
- Trying to stop the thought – Thoughts, themselves, are not the problem. You can’t control the thoughts that pop into your head. Trying to stop your thoughts is an unwinnable battle that will never end.
- Trying to ignore the thought – The more you try to consciously ignore a thought, the more focus, and attention you bring to the thought. If someone asks you to not think about what you had for breakfast or the last movie you watched, your mind will automatically be drawn towards those subjects. Paradoxically, by attempting to ignore the thought loop you, unfortunately, keep yourself in it.1
- Emotions are tied to the thought – Random thoughts likely don’t usually get stuck in your head unless there is a strong emotion tied to it. Thoughts about the weather may pass harmlessly by, while thoughts about asking your boss for a promotion may cause you to feel worried or anxious. These emotions act like fuel, sustaining, and sometimes intensifying the spark from your initial thought.
- Having ‘should’ thoughts – ‘Should’ thoughts often accompany negative thinking patterns. When you think you should be doing something or acting in a certain way, you can cause yourself more stress. For example, imagine that an intrusive thought is stuck in your head. You think, ‘I should be able to stop this thought,’ but the thought doesn’t go away. Then you get frustrated and feel more hopeless. This can send you into a frustrating and emotional thought spiral: AKA ‘The Feedback Loop from Hell’.2
You Are Not Your Thoughts
Remember: thoughts are not the problem. You can’t control them, so trying to, won’t do you any good.
The goal isn’t to stop thoughts from entering your mind, the goal is to stop the thought loop caused by intrusive thoughts. You can control what to do with the thoughts when they show up.
How you respond to the thoughts will either help you break free of the loop or keep you stuck in it.
Treading Water vs Standing on Land: Timing and Preparation
Short term relief tactics can help you break free of the thought loop so you can focus on long term solutions.
Imagine you are swimming and struggling to tread water. You are barely able to keep your head above the surface. Then someone comes along and asks you, “Why don’t you build a boat?”
What a great idea! Why didn’t I think of that? Thank you for your wisdom kind stranger. So insightful.
It’s difficult, if not impossible, to build a boat while you are treading water. You need to find a way to get to land first.
Being stuck in a thought loop or spiral is a bad time to start thinking about long term solutions. Being in the right headspace will help you prepare yourself for the next time you face intrusive thoughts.
The Greek poet Archilochus said:
“We don’t rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training.”
Without proper preparation, it is unrealistic to expect that we will be able to manage the intrusive thoughts when they show up. Thinking about how you want to respond, rehearsing it in your head, and training yourself will put you in a position to respond immediately and effectively to intrusive thoughts.
The more prepared you are, the better you’ll be able to deal with intrusive thoughts. But, you first need to put yourself in the right headspace to prepare. That’s where short term relief comes in.
Short Term Relief
Ideally, anytime an intrusive thought gets stuck in my head I’d like to do as Elsa would: just let it go. More on this to follow. However, just letting thoughts go is easier said than done. Here are some strategies I’ve found to be effective in the short term for breaking free of thought loops.
- Ask questions – I’ve found asking certain questions gives me a sense of agency when I feel otherwise powerless. When unwanted thoughts arrive, ask yourself, “Is this useful?” or “Can I do anything about this right now?” When you answer ‘no,’ it’s essentially giving yourself permission to stop the thought.3,4
- Focus on the present – You can’t focus your attention on two things at once. When you redirect your focus to the present moment you force your mind to pay less attention to the intrusive thoughts. I’ve found the best way to do this is to use your senses.
Focus on your breath. Notice the air fill up your lungs when you inhale and notice it flow out as you exhale. Look at something nearby. Look at its shape, study the details, and think about the design. Touch things and see how they feel. Notice the feeling of your hand on the desk or how the sheets feel as you lie in bed. The key is to pay attention to things you would normally gloss over. This redirects your attention away from the unwanted thoughts by occupying your mind.
- Find an escape – Sometimes you don’t feel like dealing with your thoughts, so finding an escape or activity is helpful for shifting your focus. Escape into another world through books, video games, or movies. Get moving and go for a walk or exercise. Find an activity to do like cleaning, cooking, writing, calling someone, or working on a project. The escape serves as a stimulating distraction to take your mind off the intrusive thoughts.
Long Term Solutions
The simple truth is that intrusive thoughts are part of being human; they’ll never go away. So, it’s up to you to learn how to deal with them over the long run and to prepare yourself for when they show up uninvited.
While putting these strategies into practice isn’t easy, especially in the short term, they can make a significant difference in the long run. It is trading short term pains for long term gains.
- Identify the thoughts – The first step in dealing with intrusive thought loops is to recognize what those thoughts are. You can write them down. Once you’ve identified the thoughts you can examine them and discover why they are triggering you. This helps you gain perspective and get to the root cause of the issue. Simple awareness, being able to recognize patterns and intrusive thoughts, is a foundational step in preparing you to overcome thought loops.
- Observe and let go – Imagine you are sitting on a bench at a train station. As you sit at the station, trains come in, they stop for a moment, and then continue on. Just observe the trains as they move in and out of the station. You can’t stop the trains from arriving, but you don’t have to get on board.
Now imagine these trains are your thoughts. You can’t stop them, but you don’t have to pay attention to them, attach yourself to them, or give them meaning, either. Shift your goal from stopping the thoughts to just notice them and do nothing.5,6
You have control over what you do with your thoughts when they arrive. A good way to practice letting thoughts go is through mediation and mindfulness exercises. I find guided meditations to be most helpful and you can easily find these by searching on YouTube. Here are two guide meditations that I’ve found helpful by MaliaYoga and by Michael Sealey.
- Habituate – You can’t stop thoughts, but you can get used to them. The idea behind habituation is to lean into the discomfort of intrusive thoughts, rather than avoiding them, so you learn that the thoughts and feelings will subside. For instance, the first day of a new job can cause anxiety. However, a month or two of going to work you get acclimated, the feelings don’t bother you as much anymore.
The goal with habituation is to reduce the intensity of the thought loop and help you realize that you can cope with the intrusive thoughts. Over time, the obsessive intrusive thoughts can become trivial annoyances rather than all-consuming and debilitating thought loops. The more you practice observing your thoughts and letting them go, the more habituated you become, and the easier it will become to deal with intrusive thoughts in the future.7,8
Dealing with intrusive thought loops isn’t always easy, but it is possible to build your mind to manage and overcome them. When it comes to mental health topics, there usually isn’t a one-size-fits-all option. I hope the information I provided can help you if you are struggling with thought loops, but know that there are more resources available that may provide a better solution for you. You can always seek out professional help as well.9
Footnotes
- American Psychological Association: Paradoxical effects of thought suppression.
- More on ‘should’ thoughts from Verywell Mind
- Credit to the founder of Depression to Expression, Scott Ste Marie, and his video Simple Trick To Stop Negative Thoughts for the question “Is this useful?”
- Credit to psychotherapist Jodee Virgo and her article 5 Tips to Stop Obsessive Thinking for the question “Can I do anything about this right now?”
- Credit to CBT therapist Katie d’Ath for the train analogy
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that focuses on learning to accept your thoughts.
- Credit to Katie d’Ath for the graph concept and her video on habituation
- Habituation is a component of Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), a form of CBT. The purpose is to learn to deal with thoughts differently.
- I found Katie d’Ath’s video series on OCD and anxiety treatment to be quite helpful
- For further reading, here is a book on Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts